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~*~Moi~*~ (#128504)
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Posts: 539
Location: Illusions
 Reflections

For some odd reason, holidays seem to be synomyous with reflection. As well as cleaning up my room which brings a lot of old hidden pieces of paper to the surface.. such as my old poetry book... my journal which I should probably burn.. memories I'd rather forget. And then I start vowing to myself that I'll be a better person. And then I think maybe I'm being too critical of myself. I have so many things I want to change, right down to the mundane like I need to get fit and I should get a new hairstyle. But isn't the point of living to constantly improve yourself?

However, this feels like a lost battle since there will always be something else to improve on since no one is perfect. And then I get frustrated because I seriously dislike putting in effort where it will just go to waste. This only got worse after sharing a room with my sister.. it's very soul crushing when you painstakingly spend the whole week cleaning up the room and making it nice only to have your sister destroy it within 20 minutes during one of her temper tantrums. I don't think my soul can ever recover from that... I just don't have the time or energy and now I've also lost my patience. Thankfully I now have my own room. But I lose energy so much more easily. It's kinda hard to be stubborn and thick headed like a bull.. or to use the analogy of a spider. It's kinda hard to keep spinning another web when it just keeps getting ripped apart by forces beyond my control.

Oh right. I got told I'm a controlling person. I like to control things and make them in order. Obviously, this trait only got enhanced when nothing was under my control. This is (one of) the reason why I hate relying on people. Because I just can't. Period.

Oh, another thing that cropped up while I was reflecting was the word independent. Although it is generally a trait that is admired, I started thinking, doesn't that also mean you're alone? Well.. if you're independent because you can't rely on other people. Anyway I should leave my gloom there... and try not to read my journal or poetry book. Though it's kinda difficult because a part of me wants to see how much I've changed. I mean, I know I've changed a lot. Not that there are many people apart from my family who can testify to that. My oldest friend.. I've known her for 3 years. But I feel quite alienated sometimes. Afterall, not many people can relate to me. I suppose it's no coincidence that all my friends have foreign origins. They're the closest I can get in terms of being able to relate to someone.

So I guess it's no surpsise it took me a long time to find someone I could talk to. But the one person who I could talk to about anything was my aunt. And things have changed a lot since then. I suppose I should just keep my mouth shut and my thoughts to myself. Or release them in my journal when I can't take it anymore. No point wishing for something that you'll never have.

There must be bad aspects to it as well of course. I'm seeing things under rose coloured glasses because I've never had them. So I don't know the bad side. Like this girl know who's an only child and longs so much to have siblings. There is a bad side to having siblings of course. But she can't exactly see that. She can't imagine it and doesn't want to either. And maybe I just don't appreciate the things I have. You never know what you have till it's gone. And I know that too well. A bit too well. Because if you're just going to lose what you have why hold anything dear to yourself?

Of course though, that sort of makes life dull and bland. For lack of a better analogy it's like eating curry without the spice. Or food without the nutrition. Again, speaking from experience. And this is the best part. Since i know all this too well, why do the same endless thoughts repeat over and over with the same arguements and the same conclusions? I don't know, but it's probably because i haven't found a satisfactory answer. And I should really get back to cleaning my room...

I was reading through this again and then I thought, maybe this could generate some discussion so I made it a thread. I hope that's not presumptuous of me ^_^; please feel free to add your own reflections or experiences. Lets make this a reflections thread.

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sakurafice (#142452)
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whoah, big wall of text

don't think so pessimistically. No matter how futile something is, isn't it WORSE to do nothing about it, and consider your situation hopeless?

and about improving yourself, who aims for perfection? O.o
you'll always have something to improve on, but that's the fun, you are continually progressing, little by little, and you'll be able to look back and say that you have truly progressed.

anyways, regardless of holidays, i always reflect on my life, and prospects for my future...i'll post them when i have the time ^_^;
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Anothar (#136418)
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Would you mind splitting some of that into paragraphs please?

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Ciceros Creed (#142131)
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I have to agree with Sacurafice........I mean if everyone would be perfect and have everithing they want wath would be the point of living?.....from my point of view that is the best thing in life.......I feel the hapyest whenever i improved something on myself or when i get something that i worked for myself......if I would have everithing from the start wath satisfaction would I have?

The problem is that most of the people see just the empty half of the glass.......sometimes you have to see the bright side(it could be worst)

And another mistake you made from wath I saw in your post is the thing about just writing in your journal when you just can't take it anymore.......sharing is the best thing to relieve tension....talk to a good friend that you trust...to a family member etc.

If you don't agree with my post i'm sorry......everyone has diferent tastes.......everithing i said here are suggestions since i just want to help Very Happy ......everyone has the right to live their life how they want it.

As for me right now the only thing I would want to improve is to lose some weight and start studying a bit more for college Razz except those things right now i'm pretty happy with my life.
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Stick (#5576)
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I'm no expert, but I tried breaking up your post into paragraphs moi. It's an interesting read, but it, being a huge wall of text can be a overwhelming and hard to follow, which shouldn't happen because this is something folks here should take a look at, and contribute to.

I'm not even sure if that made sense.
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Anothar (#136418)
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Very interesting post, and I'll definitely add some input of my own, (maybe a long post with quotes à la Rose Wink ) but I'll have to do so later, or tomorrow, I have an evening of volunteering to go to... guess that's something for the other post too.

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SupraGuy (#92823)
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Location: The Great White North, eh?
I was raised with the motto "The biggest room in the world is room for improvement."

Noone is so perfect that they cannot improve. I sincerely believe that, and apply it to myself as much as (Or more than) anyone.

I don't know if there's any single "point of living" however, and self-improvement isn't an end unto itself. To me, it's rewarding. I try to learn and do new things often. I can do the things that I've done before better and faster than I used to, but that's not the point to living. To me, the point to living can be one of many things. Some of them depend on your philosophical outlook, and your religious stance.

If you are religious, then your religion (probably) gives you some idea of yor purpose. Maybe that's to glorify God, or maybe to acheive enlightenment.

If not, then perhaps you want to leave the world a better place for future generations. To leave a legacy behind. This isn't something that just anyone can do, but we can all contribute a little bit to the part of the world that we personally know. Be a contributing member of society.

Or maybe you just want to be happy. Nothing wrong with that, but it's harder than it might seem. "Settle down, have a family, join the PTA, buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet. Then party 'til you're broke and they drag you away..." ("Wierd" Al Yankovic)

Self-improvement is a step on the way to all of these goals, and will continue to be steps in the future. Nobody gets to any of these goals without some effort in improving themselves.

To that end, realising what it is that you have to imrove upon is the larger half the battle. It's only when you know what it is that you need to work on that you can get started. Having the desire to better oneself is never a bad thing.
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Rosepetals (#42525)
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Moi, I'm really glad you wrote that. Not mincing words.

I'll try to keep myself concise, I promise. Smile I'm a woman of my word, but I think Moi's thoughtful post deserves reflection, and it made me reflect as well.

:
But isn't the point of living to constantly improve yourself?


That's a part of it, but probably not the whole (then again, no one thing is ever the whole). It's actually better to think of it as finding your median, what continues to challenge you and at the same time makes you feel like you're existentially in sync with your surroundings and yourself. I don't think you can find the answer to that in any single notion or from any other person than inside you.

We live in a world that deals us more than its share of bad hands. But it's important to measure life as something that's dynamic in its own rhythm, influenced by others while maintaining its own passage. And people are the same way - you can control as much as you can, but you have to have the maturity to know - okay, what can I do to find a balance where it can work/do for me and still allow the spectrum beyond it to run its due course?

And Cicero's Creed I think had a good point: shaking yourself of negativity is a good thing, because otherwise, it accumulates and then you get into a rhythm of pressing and exploding - a cycle that doesn't let up unless you somehow reach out of it. I'm a journal person myself or rather an avid writer - if I have something negative in my blood - I'll find a constructive way to shake it. Sometimes it's talking or writing to someone, sometimes it's writing it out for myself, sometimes it's expressing it in my artistic spectrum. Either way you can shake it from you, it's better to shake it and not let yourself be swallowed by it.
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sakurafice (#142452)
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SupraGuy (#92823) :

I don't know if there's any single "point of living" however, and self-improvement isn't an end unto itself.


in my opinion, "point of living" is self imposed ^^
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Shiru (#135861)
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I would say the point of living is to be happy. But then again I'm a hedonist with some slight perfectionist tendencies. I think it's a good balance. There's improving yourself, and then there's the reward to improving yourself. For some, just the improving part is enough, but not for me. I need times to myself where I am totally unproductive and have plateaued in terms of improvement before I get going again. Besides, there's so much too improve, how do you choose? It's impossible to be the best at everything, so it's ok to slack off every once in awhile. Just don't do it too much or you will waste your potential and other people would push you even farther down in their rush to reach the top. Of course, knowing how much to improve and how much to slack off is all relative to you and to society.

You know what, blue_scarlet gave me a good quote to put in the quotes forum. ("It's all relative") Very Happy
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Anothar (#136418)
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:
Oh, another thing that cropped up while I was reflecting was the word independent. Although it is generally a trait that is admired, I started thinking, doesn't that also mean you're alone? Well.. if you're independent because you can't rely on other people


About independence: I believe the reason that independence is admired is because that it is the capacity to be self-sufficient and not reliant of other people. If you're independent, it's because of some choices and efforts that you have put forth to become that way. Does that mean you are alone? Absolutely not!

People need others. People need to love/be loved by others, whether it's a single significant other, friends or a group of people like a family. I think that being self-sufficient does not need to equal alone. You can be financially and emotionally independent, have your own place, car, job, etc and still long for other people to be in your life. Being independent is not because you can't rely on others, but being capable of surviving on your own. I think being with others is even better when you have the peace of mind of some independence under your belt. You can fully enjoy being with someone without having to think about relying on that said person of of other needs that you must consider first.

I also noticed that some things Moi posted seemed a little pessimistic. Things are just a whole lot easier when you see things on the bright side. Don't worry about putting the weight of things on your shoulders when you can pave your way forward with them under your feet. Sure, there's a bad side to everything, but there's always the good side, even if it's pretty hard to see sometimes. I know it sounds cliché, but it just makes things easier in life.

Self-improvement is a great way to live, but I see it as being a means to an end. It's nice to learn to do things better/faster/more efficiently, or learn new things altogether, but all this is simply part of the process of reaching a goal, whether you expected it or not. Going to school, for example is a self-improvement process, but would be useless if in some way you did not use or apply the lessons learned and things earned in school.

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Zefiris (#127560)
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The way I see it "The point of Living" as you put it, is to grow stronger weather that be intalectually, politicaly, financialy or phycicaly. The meaning of life is to evolve, God is not the creator of man, he is the potential of man. That is why I want to be the best I can be and serve my country so it can be the best it can be. You may think I am looking at it on to grand a scale but it is the people that don't look at it at all that are dragging us down.

I don't think you should be worried about things that are out of your control, If things are out of your control then there is not point worrying about them and if they are within your control then you have no reason to worry. As for your sister I think she needs to learn some disapline, if I had have done that to my sister I dont know what she would have done :S

there is nothing wrong with being a controlling person, it just means that you don't trust other people to do things, a wise choice, because a hard fact of life is the vast majority of people are idiots, and can easily be swayed with shiny objects.

Some people do find it difficult being alone, I have had two friends since high school and I just lost them, I cannot be happier it's like a great weight has been lifted I can finally concentrate on my training and don't have to listen to the constant complaining of the drones. People say you like to control everything, people say I have a supiriority complex, I say Is it a complex when you are actually supiriory? The point is as long as it helps you acomplish your goals I see no problem being alone. Although that being said, I do believe it is diffrent if your friends are like minded.

"Because if you're just going to lose what you have why hold anything dear to yourself?" Can't answer that one, my computer and United arn't going anywhere.

I wouldn't say it makes life dull and bland as long as your are trying to accomplish your goals, but I supose if they are small scale then it can be bland, my advise, find a path and aim for the top.
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Ken Hayashi (#52012)
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I've got something to say about this topic, but I'm pressed for time.

I will say something right now though, and that's it's not fun being perfect. I'm not speaking from experience of course, since I'm far from being perfect. But I'm having fun living my flawed life and have friends and family criticize me and help me improve. Isn't that what life is all about?
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~*~Moi~*~ (#128504)
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@ stick - thanks for editing it! ^_^ I was a bit.. when I wrote that hehehe


Now that you guys mention it though, I don't recall having felt satisfaction or achievement after having done something. I just survey the results and think to myself "Oh well, I should get onto the next thing now" or "If only this or this had been there or had happened then it would be better." My biggest problem is the 'what if' and 'what should be'. It makes me frustrated that I have to fix something I shouldn't have to fix. So I can't take happiness from improving. Because things shouldn't have turned out this way.

I just have too many things to fix. I can list them off the top of my head at least 5 that I have to work on NOW. And they're fairly important, in terms of quality of life and paving the future. But there's only 24 hours in a day and I get tired and lose motivation very easily. I'm worried that I'm taking on too much, but I don't have much time before class starts again. And I want to chill and relax and clear my head and be fresh and ready for the new semester. T_T But then, is chilling and relaxing even that important? I think so. If I had time to clear out my head properly I probably wouldn’t be so concerned. But I have no time, no space and worse, no privacy!! Do you know how many times I was interrupted while writing this up?? There’s NO way I can get absorbed into thinking because I’ll just get interrupted and it will startle me and my thoughts will scramble everywhere it’s so annoying!!

As for talking to people, this is gonna sound absolutely crazy, but for some odd reason it's easier for me to write it than speak it. And easier to type it and talk to online friends than to my family or friend that I have known for only three years. Unfortunately this is due to a number of backstabbing friends I had when I was little. Too young to think not to trust others and stupid enough to forgive them time and time again. And I don't talk to my parents because they have enough to deal with. I'd like to decrease their stress and the rate of their hair growing white as much as possible. My siblings will probably blurt out anything about me in a moment of emotion to my parents. And have actually. T_T So I have no confidence in them either. So I'm left with journals.. lol... otherwise I'll explode.. which happens at a rate of about once a year. Usually.

Hmm you guys also mentioned something interesting in slightly differing waysabout the path I wish to take and perfection. I was thinking about this for a while and I realised that short of graduating with good marks and getting a job (not an easy matter I should point out.. just passing this year was difficult) I haven't thought beyond that. And then I started thinking, what then? I know at some point *way* in the future, I'd like to get married. But I can't imagine myself working all that time. I was going to do further study. But in what I don't know. I wanted to buy a house and a car. Thats about it. I didn't think beyond that because... who knows if I'll even live that long. But thats still a stupid reason now I think of it. You should prepare for all eventualities. Including living to 100 years old. T_T

@anothar – I understand what you mean, but I still think independence is something you learn by being alone.
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Ken Hayashi (#52012)
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~*~Moi~*~ (#128504) :
@anothar – I understand what you mean, but I still think independence is something you learn by being alone.


I have to disagree with you there. Independence is something you learn, but not necessarily by being alone. I learnt independence by being around my mentors. People like my gramps. My friends. They taught me independence and the importance of it.
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sakurafice (#142452)
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moi, if you don't have time to sit down and chill MAKE it.
seriously, i am interrupted just as much if not more, there are ways in which you relax, you just have to find it (i'm not going to give you advice on this...i don't live in the same environment, so it's up to you to figure how)

and keep your journal...i see no benefit of depriving yourself of it merely to "improve yourself"
rid yourself of it when you are ready

and don't worry about your future...just take one day at a time, you'll find something you want to strive for eventually
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Rosepetals (#42525)
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sakurafice (#142452) :
moi, if you don't have time to sit down and chill MAKE it.


Exactly, 100% agreed.

:
Now that you guys mention it though, I don't recall having felt satisfaction or achievement after having done something. I just survey the results and think to myself "Oh well, I should get onto the next thing now" or "If only this or this had been there or had happened then it would be better."


I actually used to think that same way, to be honest. Mainly because I thought a lot about things in the measure of productivity. But doing that, you're likely to miss the significance of what you're able to do in that scope.

It's good to allow yourself feel proud of reaching a goal. It helps build confidence within you. And while it's good to be critical and continue to press yourself, don't lament what was in the past - take the situation for what it was, and instead, think about how you can use that as a lesson for the next big opportunity.

:
just have too many things to fix. I can list them off the top of my head at least 5 that I have to work on NOW. And they're fairly important, in terms of quality of life and paving the future. But there's only 24 hours in a day and I get tired and lose motivation very easily. I'm worried that I'm taking on too much, but I don't have much time before class starts again. And I want to chill and relax and clear my head and be fresh and ready for the new semester. T_T But then, is chilling and relaxing even that important? I think so. If I had time to clear out my head properly I probably wouldn’t be so concerned. But I have no time, no space and worse, no privacy!! Do you know how many times I was interrupted while writing this up?? There’s NO way I can get absorbed into thinking because I’ll just get interrupted and it will startle me and my thoughts will scramble everywhere it’s so annoying!!


First rule of thumb - Slow. Down.

If the first thing that you say in your mind is that you don't have time - you need to re-evaluate the situation you're in, because that means time's getting ahead of you, and the more that is, the more things aren't in your locus of control.

Delegating your time is uber important if you want do make any kind of change. You might find yourself losing focus, but there's a way you can curb it if you have something to keep you focused. Simple answer is: break. it. down. Smaller pieces still build the larger picture, so to speak.

So you have 5 things you want to change about yourself. Choose one - put it in a hat and draw it at random if you'd like. Then with that one thing, break it down into smaller pieces as how you think you can change it. Make a list, flowchart, or whatever measure that helps you visualize how you want to change. Put it in your journal. Then just check off the list as you can do them, write these things down in your journals so that you're just not bottling it up - since you're good at writing things down and getting it out of you that way - it's a very ideal way to keep track of things and remind yourself to stay focused on accomplishing the changes you want. When you're comfortable enough to where you think you've changed in that progression, move to the next thing. It does take time for any changes to come across, but you have to allow the time for it to happen and keep it in your mind to get it done, just as you would any priority.

So simple answer to combating losing your train of thought - Write. it. Down.

I you find you're losing track of what you're thinking in that mode, you're probably over thinking it and you may need to just look at what you've written and evaluate it for what it is. Retrace, and try again.

As for talking to people - if you have to talk to online friends or write it in a journal, at least you're getting the emotion out of you - better that than letting it bubble over.

I know it's not easy to trust people (believe me, I know from experience), and I can't tell you by any measure of the word whom you should or shouldn't trust, but I think it's healthy to work your boundaries a little from time to time in order to allow yourself to grow. Remember that as you go forward with opportunities - whether it's getting a job, or being in a relationship, or doing something that you don't normally do, it involves taking a risk and placing your trust in something that you may not know where it may go. There's always some level of uncertainity and if you overplot so much that you find yourself losing track, then you may need to retrace and look at the situation from a macroscopic lens. From what I can tell, your microscopic lens is fine, but looking at the bigger picture will help take you a bit more long term. Use your management only when you have the bigger items crafted, then it becomes easier to break it down.

For what it's worth, I wish that you didn't have the painful experiences in your life and the stress you have at present. And I empathize with you in that I've been there, but I think there's a way you can take yourself out of those pressing positions and be able to be happy - it's just a matter of being able to find your footing.

Not sure if it helps, but if you ever need help plotting what it is you want to do, feel free to talk about it. I'll listen, and I think there isn't anyone here that wouldn't help you if it's something you'd like to do or change.
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~*~Moi~*~ (#128504)
AnimeNfo Warrior


Posts: 539
Location: Illusions
I tried experimenting over the past few days and realized that the best place and time to think is before I go to sleep or after I wake up. Just stay in bed longer to think. It's just such a pity the computer isn't there at the time because I think of soo much stuff T_T and I'm too lazy to write it down. But laziness is bad bad I should start writing. I thoguht of so many other things I wanted to post and I forgot it all today. I'll write it when I think of something next time post it up for reflection. And yes I am totally keeping the journal. It's a pretty book actually. It's black and it has a butterfly on it. I guess the butterfly can represent release/freedom. =S I didn't think that far when I bought it lol..

Oh, and I made a mini plan for the future (just the big goals that don't really have much of a timeframe). Up until.. end of 2012 I have sorted. From there onwards it's speculation and hard work and luck. Of course, there's room to change if I suddenly decide I don't wanna do something. I'll keep thinking about it but it's a plan for now.

And I'm going to try to sort out a plan for studies because I'm still not happy with my grades. T_T And umm yeah. A lot of thinking. I did this mini work experience thing this year and I totally screwed that up so badly you have no idea and trust me you don't wanna know. Conclusion : I should ask for help when I need it. I shouldn't take on too much work (I.e.: know my limits) It's because I was trying to take on too much thats why I screwed up. And people tend to misunderstand me sometimes so I should explain myself clearly. These always recur though because taking on a lot is kinda my strength as well as failing. Depends on the situation and the result actually. ^_^;

Rose - thank you *hugs*

Oh and thank you everyone as well. Talking really helps. ^_^

@Ken - How do you learn independence from others? =S I'm a bit confused sorry. I'll keep thinking about it though. Time reveals all lol.

Oh and sorry it's a bit rushed. I reallly don't wanna get interrupted T_T
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sakurafice (#142452)
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~*~Moi~*~ (#128504) :
or after I wake up.

lol...usually when i wake up, EVERYTHING is beyond my comprehension

but yeah, it's good that you're thinking about the future...sign of optimism ^^

and screwing up is a part of life...don't think too much on it...
i remember epicly failing this solo guitar concert i did in front of my year level...i was shaking so bad it was ridiculous
but to be honest, it was a valuable experience.

*incoming cliche*
you only mistakes so you can learn from them

independance comes from planning your life, and assuming responsibility for yourself (i dedicated a mere one line for this because i am lax ^^)
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Ken Hayashi (#52012)
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Posts: 13737
Location: Where there are no rocks to crawl
When you don't know shit and you are alone with nobody to learn from, you'll forever know shit.

To me independence is more than just learning or knowing how to do things for yourself. You also have to be willing to do it for yourself and always want to do it for yourself. It's an attitude. Everybody knows how to poop. But if a kid was so dependent on his parents that he wants them to wipe his arse everytime he pooped, that's not being independent.

You learn that attitude from people. First you learn to do things yourself. It seems difficult and you don't like it. But you eventually also learn from these mentors that it's not all that difficult afterall.
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~*~Moi~*~ (#128504)
AnimeNfo Warrior


Posts: 539
Location: Illusions
Well it's been awhile since I posted here. I've been thinking again. More about the passage of time and people moving on and stuff. Some of my friends are going to different cities to pursue their studies and it made me think how this will only become more common as I grow older.

The distance between me and my best friend may be halfway around the earth. Yet friendship is supposed to endure regardless of the distance. I'm pretty used to this, since more likely than not it will be me leaving them. It's quite a strange feeling to have a friend leaving instead. But my plans for the future involve some travel. And no doubt so do theirs. I hope our friendship will persevere. Maybe, instead of taking a trip down to the beach, or to the neighbouring town, one day we'll be organising a trip to another country together. And perhaps we might even have a family meeting up (waaayyy in the future).

I suppose our friendship will grow more mature and this is an opportunity to make more friends. But I still wonder if we'll be meeting up and hanging out like we used to 10 years down the track. The problem with time is that people change.

I have 2 friends from my past that I'm in contact with and I feel like I don't know them at all. Because so much has happened so much has changed. I've changed. They've changed. For the most part we don't speak except to wish each other a happy life or a happy new year. I don't know the first thing there is to know about them now. Their personality has changed. For all essential purposes we are complete strangers who used to have a strong bond. I don't want this to happen. I don't think it will because now there's facebook and email etc. Back then all I had was pen and paper. And a lot of time and distance. I was kinda 10 years old at the time, and times have changed.

Another thing thats been bugging me is death and illness. This girl I (kinda) know is really sick. I knew before hand but I didn't fully understand it until now. And all I'm thinking is what can you say to someone who's got a chronic debilitating disease? At times like these all you can offer are prayers. But I know shes in a lot of pain and I want to support her. But that would be a bit weird since I'm not a friend or a close friend or anything. Acquaintances at best.

But my wishes for her are sincere and I feel I should talk to her. The smallest of things can tip someone either way when you're living on the edge. One negative pushes you off, one positive brings you back. When you're locked in that spiral of negativity it's hard to see beyond it. Like how I never look at my past because I got bullied a lot and I'd rather forget it permanently.

But then just last week in fact, I realised it wasn't so bad. I had a friend, although I didn't realise at the time because she was my neighbour and I only thought of her as such. But when you spend every single day together after school for hours at a time, I suppose that makes you more than neighbours and into friends. Though my treatment of her was as a neighbour not as a friend, a fact I regret because it may have hurt her, I was not alone. That really gives me a lot of comfort. But I couldn't see it at the time because I was reallly dense, as well as sad.

So somehow I'm going to try and formulate something to say to that girl to make her feel better. But it just makes you realise how lucky you are regardless of how bad things are. At least I have all my limbs, and control over them as well as a brain that works, even though it's kinda slow sometimes. There is nothing real stopping me from doing whatever I want except my perceived notions of barriers that I should never have had to face.

Which is in fact a stupid reason to grumble about now I think of it. Obstacles make you stronger, one way or another. Even if you feel like you've lost everything, you've still gained something. Experience. Lollll... while that is little comfort at times, it is still a priceless commodity.

-------------------
@sakurafice - Lol your one liner is very true though =) Independance comes with responsibility. I should quote that to my sister lol. And I shall try not to take my failures as the end of the world.

@Ken - I agree it's hard T_T but also most of that difficulty lies in overcoming my laziness or whatever excuses I pull out to not do more. I realised that today. LOL. ^_^ I suppose this means my mentor is that girl I mentioned. =S Interesting. I get what you mean about learning from others now.
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~*~Moi~*~ (#128504)
AnimeNfo Warrior


Posts: 539
Location: Illusions
Edit: Sorry.
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Rosepetals (#42525)
AnimeNfo Site Staff


Posts: 6171
Location: Nowhere and Everywhere
@Moi I think you're fine Very Happy And I'm glad you shared that as well. That takes a lot of heart to be able to write about.

I think I actually remember the story you posted - I didn't realize it was about you specifically, though. It's horrible that you went through such an experience. Intolerance doesn't sit well with me (especially situations where people's lives are put at risk).

I've had a few experiences in my life where I've had to deal with situations of that measure. I don't share them for privacy reasons and for the measure I've already moved ahead of them. It was difficult doing so, but at the same time, I think of it in the sense that if you allow your life to be controlled by something that's painful to you - you don't get the full experience of what life has to offer. Pain can drive you in some terms, but it can also impede you just as well, and you don't want to allow it to do the latter, as it could take away from the opportunities you can have to be happy. I think if you're opening up about it, Moi, that's a good step to take.

I also, somewhat, identify with struggling through childhood illness, though mine wasn't necessarily genetic (I grew up with epilepsy - I shared that story a long time ago on the forums and how it influenced me to want to become a doctor, still drives me to date and I've by no measure of the word have lost my passion with respect to that.) I do find myself at times looking back at the events of my life with respect to that. It's painful, for me, in some considerations, but I realize that the past is the past. It shaped me in terms of the events I've endured with it, but it doesn't define me and the way I live my life.

I think something you said in your previous post hit the nail on the head. Experience is something that you gain with everything you live within your life. I've had someone close to me once say that life is just one big lesson you're going through each day, and you continue to grow with each event that you experience, whether it may be good or bad.

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~*~Moi~*~ (#128504)
AnimeNfo Warrior


Posts: 539
Location: Illusions
Ohhh sorry rose I didn't explain myself properly in my attempts of being vague but still talking. It's my parent that has this illness so I needed a nanny because I was little and someone had to take care of me. The problem is, I'm at a higher than normal risk of this illness... Which I don't want.. yeah. Hard to describe.

But I think in one way, although I gave up on journalism due to the bullying incident, this was a good thing. Because I would've realised further down the track and by then it would be too late. T_T But yeah. I wanted to thank you for sharing your story with me, I really appreciate it. And I apologise for being vague but I don't have the words.
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